The 60 Biggest Villains of the 2024 Election

Saluting the people who made this year so, so very terrible.

Photo illustration by Samantha Grasso/images via Getty

Well, we somehow made it to the finish line.

Tomorrow, the polls will finally, finally close, and this dismal, vile, atrocious, miserable, appalling, hateful election will be over. We don’t know what’s waiting for us on the other side. What we do know is that the 2024 campaign has been one of the worst experiences of our lives. The fear, the turmoil, the violence (both here and abroad), the terrible choices we’ve been given—it’s all been horrendous beyond belief.

That’s why, for our last big pre-election blog, we’ve decided to name some names—to pinpoint the 60 people, places, and things that made this such an awful year.

Why 60? Because we got to 50 and decided that there were still some villains who we needed to add.

The criteria for making the cut was simple: if you made even a small contribution to the hell that was 2024, you were eligible. Our only rule was that Kamala Harris, Donald Trump, J.D. Vance, Joe Biden, and Tim Walz couldn’t be on the list. Too obvious! Everyone and everything else was fair game.

We’re going in descending order, from #60 on down to the biggest, most villainous villain of this election. If there’s something you think we forgot, or you want to complain about the rankings, please leave a comment. If you want to praise us, please also leave a comment. And thank you, our wonderful, wonderful readers, for supporting us throughout this painful campaign. We’re going to survive whatever comes next together.

OK, here we go.

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The 60 Biggest Villains of the 2024 Election

60. Adolf Hitler

After reports that Trump had longed for the kind of generals Hitler had, many people, including Kamala Harris, rushed to emphasize that they did NOT approve of Hitler. In that spirit, Discourse Blog also wishes to emphasize that we do NOT approve of Hitler. In fact, we think he’s a seriously bad guy! Just making that clear. Hitler: boooooooooooo.

59. The cast of Hamilton

For the special 2024 song they made, which includes catchy lines like “I improve my mobility through eligibility” and “You say the law’s destructive, I say it’s reproductive.” Please god no.

58. Allan Lichtman

Did you know that this guy’s election-predicting methodology is mostly based on his random opinions? And that, when those opinions are wrong, he just changes them after the fact? Why are we letting him run our lives??? Also his hair is unnerving.

57. The Republican primary candidates

Some of the saddest, most pathetic individuals ever to run for office. Good job guys, you wasted so much time and money and got nothing to show for it.

56. “The Oval Pawfice”

For writing these words after Joe Biden dropped out: “Furiends, please don’t be sad…we suppawrt his decision. Plus, we’ll continue to meowoof here until we pass the baton – in our case a bone – to the next first pet(s). And then they’ll meowoof here.” Straight to the Hague.

55. Kid Rock

Isn’t it weird that Kid Rock is, like, a famous person? Anyway, he showed his support for Donald Trump the only way he knew how: by giving one of the worst musical performances of all time. We still have nightmares about it.

54. Mark Cuban

Remember when everyone was begging this awful billionaire to be on their television 24/7 screaming about how Kamala Harris needs to fire the few members of the government who are actually trying to curb the power of rich people? Oh wait, none of us was begging for this? Like, zero people? Ever? Anywhere? Thought so.

53. Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Read our blog and you’ll understand.

52. Laura Loomer

Once upon a time Laura Loomer was most famous for being a fascist conspiracy theorist and chaining herself to the door of Twitter’s New York headquarters—which happened to be a few blocks from the Splinter office—in one of the most ridiculous protests of the 21st century. Now she is most famous for being all of that and for getting extremely close to Donald Trump during his campaign.

51. The Krassenbros

We thought we had purged them from our lives, but they are, unaccountably, back, and still tweeting things like “Get ready for Russia to do something big on Election Day.” They’re also calling Kamala Harris “so relatable” for…going on SNL. You know, the thing we all do.

50. Van Jones

When he wasn’t peddling the dumbest, most racist nonsense about Palestinians, Jones was crying on television about how amazing Joe Biden is—after sticking the knife into Biden first, of course. Don’t worry about Van, though—as someone who enthusiastically collaborated with Trump during his first term, he’ll do just fine even if there’s a second one. Why do we still turn to this charlatan for anything???

49. Mark Robinson

We don’t think this one needs an explanation.

48. Gavin Newsom

Partially because he became perhaps the leading voice urging Biden not to drop out of the race. This was, as we all knew even then, a crazy thing to do. But mostly because he is just really, really annoying.

47. Anti-Chappell Roan freaks

One way to know the election was making people extra-crazy: millions decided that bullying Chappell Roan into endorsing Kamala Harris was the most important political action for them to take. Idiots!

46. Amy Klobuchar

October 14, 2024: a date which will live in infamy. That’s when Klobuchar uttered some of the worst words of all time: “We're gonna see like a bus going through Western Wisconsin with — I want you to picture this — Bernie Sanders & Dick Cheney together holding a sign that says brat fall.” We were changed forever.

45. Rep. Ted Lieu

We’ll just quote the man: “VP Harris’s fundraising is bussin fr. she understands the assignment—she’ll protect fundamental freedoms and defend democracy. no cap. donate below to maximize our joint slay.” Someone prevent this person from ever speaking in public again, please.

44. People complaining about headline writers

If we hear one more rant about how the New York Times didn’t say a thing about Donald Trump in a headline we are going to scream.

43. Headline writers

OK, some of them were pretty bad.

42. Kathy Hochul

The woman who makes most corpses look lively and relatable also runs one of the most enduringly incompetent political operations in America—one that already cost Democrats the House in 2022 and could do it again in 2024. Also, she destroyed congestion pricing. Cool!

41. Madison Square Garden

If Donald Trump came to us and said “can I do a fascist rally at this property you own,” we would say “sorry, we’ve got a thing that day.” But we are not Madison Square Garden.

40. Kamala Harris’s Glock

The Harris campaign really, really, really loved telling us about her Glock this year. She has a Glock! She adores her Glock! She will shoot you with her Glock if you mess with her! It was possibly the weirdest, most depressing manifestation of the Democrats’ pivot to “actually cops are the best” in 2024.