Some Things I Don't Care About Today

Sometimes it's nice to look around, take a deep breath, and then say 'so what?'

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We live in a big, busy world, and as the trite cliché goes, “everything happens so much.” To which I say: mostly true! There’s a lot of stuff going on out there, and it never seems to stop. It’s virtually impossible to get a reasonable sip of “here’s what’s going on today” without taking a firehose of “AND ALSO!!!!!” right in the kisser. It’s exhausting, I tell ya. The human brain (specifically: mine) just isn’t designed to absorb the sheer volume of stuff being thrown at it on a daily basis. You’ve (I’ve) gotta triage.

Having said that, here are the (ostensibly important) (??) news stories I simply cannot bring myself to give a shit about this week. Perhaps you do care about them? Good for you. I don’t want to hear about it, though. I’ve made my decision. This is about self-preservation.

Let’s dive in!

To begin with, at some point on Tuesday morning, my TL was flooding with a generic slate of pundits blubbering about how Attorney Michael Sussmann was acquitted by a jury for lying to the FBI in the first case brought by Trump-appointed Special Counsel John Durham. Did that sentence put you into a coma? That’s because this whole thing is profoundly unimportant, in direct proportion to the volume of the tantrum Donj threw about it. I think it’s got something to do with Russia, or the pee tape, but honestly, I don’t know or care. With a gun to my head, I couldn’t tell you why this story is currently on the front page of CNN and the New York Times’ websites. This is Bleemer and Gorpman shit. Go screw.

Speaking of “go screw,” apparently Donald Trump is big mad about an election again, only this time it’s in Georgia, and it’s between Republicans and frankly if any one of you even tries to tell me more about this I will track you down and shove your goldendoodle in a microwave. Same goes for any breathless squealing about who got a January 6 committee subpoena this week.

Also, if you have extremely pressing opinions on: Stranger Things S4, Obi Wan Kenobi, Top Gun: Maverick, the remake of Firestarter, Marvel easter eggs or trailer breakdowns, or literally any podcast at all — stuff it. I’m not interested.

And look, I know they’re there for a good cause, but “boy band visits White House” is just…I…I mean… Okay? Fine? Nice for them, I suppose. None of my business.

Anyway, those are the Big Important News Thingies that I’ve chosen not to care about this week. Maybe I’ll care next week? Anything’s possible, I guess.

What stories do you not care about today? Let us know in the comments!