Samuel Alito is a Boomer Dingus

We're supposed to listen to this guy?

Olivier Douliery/AFP via Getty Images

Say what you want about Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas (please, say it! Anything you want!) but at least he understands that being a member of the most untouchable, unregulated political body in American history is a good way to live más while making some spending cash on the side. Not so much for his colleague Samuel Alito. Sure, ol’ Sam managed to scam his way onto a billionaire-funded fishing trip or two during his time on the bench, but he’s never managed to elevate his grift to Thomas-level artistry (at least, as far as we currently know).

No, Alito has seemingly settled for a far more mundane way of cheapening the very institution which affords him his unearned reverence: by being a basic cable news-watching boomer dingus about…well, most everything really. For someone whose job ostensibly mandates one of the sharpest legal minds on earth, Samuel Alito’s behavior of late is much more in line with “aggrieved floor manager for a local car dealership” than brilliant intellectual.

I’ve replaced “Alito” in any of the following paragraphs with “retired regional jacuzzi parts salesman who sizzled his brain watching too much Gutfeld!” — give them a read through and tell me things don’t start to make a bit more sense now.