Nobody Is More Pathetic Than These Billionaire Losers

A new article highlights the towering delusions of some of our wealthiest oafs.

Craig T Fruchtman/Getty Images

The guy in this picture is Marc Andreessen. Andreessen is one of the most influential venture capitalists in the world, but that’s not what you’re thinking about when you look at this picture. You know and I know that you’re thinking one thing and one thing only: “Jesus Christ nobody has ever looked like an egg more than this person.”

It’s OK! People are constantly thinking and talking about this, and have been for a long time.

12 years apart, same thought. You can go back even further though. This is from a 2008 Fast Company piece about some thing Andreessen was involved in (no I am not doing more research than that):

They make an exquisitely odd pair: he the gangly 6-foot-4-inch former coder with the huge egg-shaped head, famous for having posed barefoot -- on a throne -- for the cover of Time; she the petite, charismatic woman from working-class roots anointed a "Web 2.0 Hottie" by Valleywag (a fact she concedes only reluctantly).

Emphasis mine lol. And yes if you wanted to know, he looked just as stupid with hair. Here’s that Time cover.

“Who are they? How do they live?” IDK, by breathing air? 1996, a weird time.

OK last piece of evidence—not that any is really needed, I am just amusing myself now. I went into an incognito window and put Andreessen’s name into Google.

Second result after his name. Priceless. (I should say that I just discovered that Andreessen has blocked me on Twitter. I genuinely have no clue why.)

Why do I bring all of this up? Because Andreessen is the main character in a truly brain-melting story by Semafor’s Ben Smith that dropped late Sunday night. The piece is ostensibly about the many group chats that Andreessen and a rotating coterie of rich oafs/bigots/supposed journalists participate in. Smith calls these the “group chats that changed America,” because some of the chatters are influential people like Chris Rufo (best known for inciting a series of anti-woke moral panics out of thin air) and pollster David Shor (best known for whatever the hell this is), and also because the people in the chats take their poisonous thoughts out into the world and impose them on the rest of us. Oh, and because a lot of them also helped get Donald Trump elected again.

There are lots of pathetic little gems in Smith’s blog; the best one probably concerns Andreessen asking famed racist Richard Hanania to whip up a conservative group chat for him, only for the chat to grow too weird and reactionary for Hanania to handle. Like, do you know how hard that is to do??

But the thread that caught my eye the most has less to do with what these fools are saying and more to do with what they appear to think their role in society is. Spoiler alert one: they are very, very, very wrong about that role. Spoiler alert two: I will come back to Andreessen’s head shape by the end of this blog.

Here’s the first thing that jumped out at me.