Kevin McCarthy is Straight Up Not Having a Good Time

The Speakerbowl rocks, I hope it never ends.

Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call, Inc via Getty Images

The U.S. political system is an arcane and bewildering system; one that has the power to surprise, confuse and sometimes delight even the most knowledgeable scholars of its countless mysteries. On one hand, this system governs the way that the largest empire in the world distributes resources and violence around the world. On the other hand, it is also incredibly funny.

For instance, today, for the first time since 1923, the newly-dominant Republican Party failed to successfully elect a Speaker of the House on its first try, as supposed party leader (and privately-known dumbass) Rep. Kevin McCarthy dealt with a far-right mutiny by, for lack of a better phrase, repeatedly tripping over his own dick. I cannot tell you how this will end: as I’m writing this blog, the House is currently in the middle of a second vote to decide who will be Speaker, which it doesn’t look like McCarthy is going to win either. (Edit: before I finished this, McCarthy lost the second vote. Lol.)

Let us set the scene, briefly. The rules are relatively simple. In order to become Speaker of the House a candidate must receive the majority of votes of the Representatives in that Congress who are present and vote for a person by name. If everyone is there, that’s 218 votes. If not everyone is there, or if some members vote “present” instead of voting for a candidate, that majority could be fewer. There are currently 222 Republicans in the incoming House ranks. In the first ballot, McCarthy got 203 votes. Not even close! In the second vote, he got the same amount, with the only change being that the anti-McCarthy votes all consolidated to Rep. Jim Jordan, who himself is supporting McCarthy (because he is trolling). You can see how quickly we are entering the realm of the stupid.