Ah, life’s certainties: Death, taxes, and the bleakest stories imaginable being repackaged into candy-coated, bite-sized poison pills. Gather round, everyone. Let’s see what the little news gremlins have conjured up for us this week. Please don’t bother spending a full two minutes and 22 seconds of your life watching that video, and allow me to simply tell you in my most mocking CBS presenter voice that the segment is about the shortage of ambulance volunteers in Sackets Harbor, New York (a shortage that’s