I Wouldn't Mind if George Santos Stuck Around for a While Actually

He'a a scammer, a crook, a liar, and a serious strike against democracy as a whole. He's also a delight.

Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post via Getty Images

If reports are to be believed (and why shouldn’t they?) we may be nearing the end of one of the most genuinely delightful, sincerely amusing eras of modern politics. I’m speaking, of course, about New York Republican Rep. George Santos, who has blazed his way through the halls of Congress as the most shamelessly crooked, unapologetically grifty lawmaker in recent memory. No, his alleged scams aren’t as serious as those of, say, former President Donald Trump, but they are, in their own special way, much, much better.

Santos, who I’ve previously gone on the record as calling “the ultimate bullshitter,” is poised to be voted out of Congress after a damning House Ethics Committee report this month accused him of essentially stealing from his donors to pay for Botox and OnlyFans subs and other hilariously petty goodies. With an expulsion vote looming in the coming days, Santos himself admitted this past Friday that he’s “done the math over and over, and it doesn’t look really good.”

Objectively, giving George Santos the big ol’ boot is a Very Good Thing™. He is a toady little sleazeball in a cheap sweater vest who has cheated and lied and scammed his way through life, and should in no way be rewarded for those things in general, much less with a position of actual (if limited) power in the service of a neo-fascist movement like the GOP of 2023.

[DEEP BREATH] Having said that! I, uh… I think he should be allowed to stick around. Not in any sort of “can officially vote on things that become laws or do anything that might actually affect the lives of his constituents” way. More like a congressional pet, or mascot.

The man is simply too much of a delight to toss aside like so much legislative roadkill. He is a gift - a rare one! - and with the proper protections and supervision in place, I think keeping him in Washington could ultimately be a net positive for us all.

Here are the George Santos rules that I propose.