Have You Ever Seen a Bigger Loser Than This Man

Insider Global EIC Nicholas Carlson is now objectively the most pathetic flop dweeb on Earth.

New York Post

I have an assignment for everyone. I want you to watch this video, and then we’ll have a little class discussion about it afterwards, OK? Don’t worry, it’s short.

So the main character in this video—which, unusually for something good and useful, comes to us via the New York Post—is Nicholas Carlson, the “global editor-in-chief” of Insider. (You may remember Nich from such glittering career highlights as “not knowing the most basic facts about how the U.S. government works.”)

Insider’s employees are currently on strike (guess they’re not getting “global editor-in-chief” money!) and they put some fun flyers up about it in Carlson’s Brooklyn neighborhood. The flyers also have Carlson’s face on them.

And it sure seems like Nich wasn’t too happy about it, because he got caught on tape going around tearing down all the union flyers.

Some enterprising Insider journalists put the skills they’re currently withholding from Carlson to good use by confronting him, leading to this exchange (via the Post):

“Who are you all?” Carlson says, smiling and nervously fiddling with his chin strap.

“I’m one of your reporters,” one of the women says.

“You’re not my reporter,” Carlson replies.

“Well, I guess it depends on how you look at it. I work in the newsroom,” she said.

“It’s not my newsroom,” he says with a forced grin, as another woman heckles him.

“I’m not your reporter,” she said heatedly. “You know why? Because you laid me off! And guess what? You laid off everyone on the crypto team!”

The video then shows Carlson biking to the other side of the street, pausing to tear down some more flyers from a mailbox.

OK, those are the facts. Now for the class discussion part.

Question: have you ever—like ever, like ever ever—seen a bigger dweeb loser than this? Like, objectively. Like, in history. Just look at this man!!! Look at this rich tool biking around with his little helmet and his t-shirt tucked into his tragic pants, tearing down posters because he’s sad that they’re mean to him. Look at the “oh hi folks, beautiful day here on the farm!” grin he’s attempting to pull off. (Failed!) And then when one of his reporters (because if you are the “global editor-in-chief,” they are all your reporters, you moron) calls him on it, he says “you’re not my reporter” and flees. Like!!!!!!!!! Has anyone ever been more embarrassing in public than Nicholas Carlson is in this video?

I don’t want to overlook the sliminess of what Carlson was actually doing. We here at Discourse Blog have worked for some of the worst people in the known universe and even those shitheads didn’t pull this kind of stunt. This is such egregious behavior that Carlson should have a personal Scabby following him wherever he goes. He has permanently made himself an Enemy of the People for the rest of time.

But MY GOD, what a stupid pathetic baby! If flop energy was a source of fuel, Nich Carlson could power the whole planet, and probably a couple of others in the bargain.

OK, last part. This is what Insider told the Post about the whole affair (emphasis very much mine):

“NICHOLAS IS A BIG BOY and can handle attacks made on him on social media, but he was quite alarmed to see the posters plastered all over his neighborhood, including especially around his seven-year-old son’s school,” a spokesman for Insider told the Post.

NICHOLAS. IS A BIG BOY. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

When your own people are referring to you as a “big boy” in PUBLICLY DISSEMINATED STATEMENTS….it’s over, buddy.

PS: solidarity with the Insider workers, fuck this guy UP please.

Update: They fucked him up!!!

There truly was no coming back from that video. Bye Nich!!!!!!!!!!