FOWL HYSTERIA: ROUND 2
Some of these results SHOCKED us.
Well, well, well.
Round 1 of Fowl Hysteria 2025, the world’s first-ever bird-based bracket tournament, is done and dusted, and WOW. We did not see some of these results coming.
Matchups we thought would be lopsided were razor-tight. Matchups we thought would be close turned into complete routs. Round 2 is FULL of surprises.
Before we get to this week’s contest, let’s acknowledge the 16 brave and beautiful birds who are no longer in the running to be Fowl Hysteria Champion 2025. They are all icons, even if they didn’t make it out of the first round.
OK. Onto Round 2. Remember: ONLY YOUR VOTES determine which birds make it to Round 3. So get your people to the polls! And LET’S DO THIS.
Lanner Falcon vs. Common Loon
The white bellbird’s ear-splitting screams could not overcome the falcon’s deadly blows. Will the loon—a legendary bird that just took out the formidable northern cardinal—fare any better?
Himalayan Monal vs. Narrow-Billed Tody
OK, this was surprise number one. The monal just DOMINATED the mallard—literally the duck you think of when you think “duck”! We thought the mallard would put up more of a fight. That’s Fowl Hysteria for ya. Now the monal must put its shimmering splendor up against the tody, an equally beautiful bird whose tiny size belies its power.
Choco Toucan vs. Steller’s Jay
Two unbelievable cuties who each won the first round by nearly identical margins go wing to wing. We have no idea how this is going to go.
Chinstrap Penguins vs. Great Blue Heron
Adorable gay penguins going up against one of the most famous birds around. We have not made this easy for you.
American Kestrel vs. Green-Barred Woodpecker
How much do you guys love falcons? Here’s how much: the kestrel walloped the literal FLAMINGO 75-25. Like, wow. (That was surprise number two.) But if anyone can stop the kestrel in its tracks, it might just be a bird whose whole thing is jabbing stuff constantly.
Kākāpō vs. Gray-Crowned Crane
Here are surprises three and four. The kākāpō’s 91-9 victory over the muscovy duck was the biggest in the history of Fowl Hysteria. Like, by far. You did not want that duck to win! And you also did not want the bald eagle to win, because the crane walked all over it. (Sorry, eagle—the America stuff probably hurt you, despite our best efforts.) But only one of these titans can make it to Round 3.
Mousebird vs. Bushtit
One of the first birds we ever featured shows that we were right to highlight it all those years ago. But can it get past the poofy pulverizer???
Red Junglefowl vs. Emperor Penguin
AND FINALLY. The world’s first chicken meets the world’s most famous penguin. What a thrill!!!
Those are the matchups. Here’s the bracket.
Now OVER TO YOU.
See you next week. VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE. WE LOVE VOTING.
A reminder: you can check out our complete Bird of the Week list here, and get in touch with your bird suggestions at hello@discourseblog.com.
Bushtit. Heh heh heh
Voters’ cardinal sin is a loony one. No way the loon beats the cardinal.