Everyone Is Fighting and No One Is Having Fun

Not one, not two, but THREE arguments nearly turned into brawls in Congress today.

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Did you know that in 1798, two members of Congress tried to kill one another with a walking cane and a pair of iron fireplace tongs right there on the floor of the US House of Representatives? It’s true. Here’s what it looked like:

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Sure, the two guys doing the fighting, Reps. Matthew Lyon and Roger Griswold, seem pretty upset, but most of the other people in the room look like they’re having a blast: Check out Big Chair Guy and Grabbing His Crotch Guy. Big smiles all around!

My point here is that lawmakers have been beating the shit out of one another in the halls of Congress for almost as long as Congress has had halls to begin with—a proud tradition carried on to this day (literally: today) when not one, not two, but three separate arguments nearly turned into physical fights at the United States Capitol. I don’t know if that’s a record, but it’s definitely hilarious.

First up, Oklahoma Republican Sen. Markwayne Mullin. During a Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee hearing today, Mullin—a former MMA fighter—got into it with his longtime rhetorical sparring partner, Teamsters Union President Sean O’Brien, leaping out of his chair at one point to, in his own words, “finish it here” after accusing O’Brien of being mean to him online. If not for Bernie Sanders, who seemingly finally found a ceasefire he could endorse, the two seemed like they might mix it up right there on the committee room floor in what would most likely have been a humiliating defeat for Mullin and a normal Tuesday for O’Brien, who is, again, the president of the fucking Teamsters.

This, in and of itself, would have been an extremely funny sign of How Things Are Going In Washington… and yet, but the grace of god, we’re not even close to done.