Which GOP Event From Hell Made Me Want to Claw My Eyes Out More?

Let's roll the tape!

Scott Olson/Getty Images; Melina Mara/The Washington Post via Getty Images

Wednesday night featured not one, but two showcases for all the Republican Party has to offer in the 2024 election. Lucky us!

In Michigan, Donald Trump “spoke” in front of a “crowd” of “striking” “autoworkers” about how he “loves” “the working class” (note, I am using quotes to point out that basically all of that is bullshit). Meanwhile, in California, seven people dubiously referring to themselves as “Republican presidential candidates” yelled weird things at each other for a couple of hours.

I would try to provide some “analysis” of these happenings, but I fear that doing so would cause my soul to forcibly eject itself from my body. So instead, I’m going to answer what I feel is the most important question about Wednesday’s festivities: which event made me want to claw my eyes out more?

In one corner, Donald Trump. In the other, Ron DeSantis, Nikki Haley, (yawning), Tim (yawn) Scott, Vivek Rama…you know what, why even bother naming all those tools?

Let’s just roll the tape.