Bird of the Week: What Is the Joe Biden of Birds?
Yes, we still want to know this.
“What is the Joe Biden of birds” is a question that might seem pointless for Bird of the Week to answer now that Joe Biden has shuffled his way out of the 2024 election, presumably to talk cheerfully to a wall for a few months. But Biden is still technically “the president of the United States,” so he’s not totally irrelevant. And anyway, this is a pretty interesting question to answer.
As our Chief Bird Analyst, New York-area bird expert and photographer Elias Markee-Ratner, pointed out when we asked him what birds reminded him most of Biden and Donald Trump, “It’s kind of hard because there’s not very many old or slow birds.” I have nothing to add to that.
But we’re going to try. So here are some birds that might remind you of Joe Biden.
Shoebill
I mean. Should we just go home now? This was Elias’s top suggestion, and, uh, bullseye.
Eurasian woodcock
The Eurasian woodcock, along with its American counterpart, is thought to be the slowest-flying bird in the world. Here is a video of a woodcock in flight. I promise you it is worth it.
Now watch Joe Biden walking onstage for his ill-fated debate.
Checks out!
Siberian jay
OK, this is my favorite. This one gets the nod not for its looks or its speed but for its overall deal. Let’s just go through some facts (emphasis mine throughout):
“The Siberian Jay is a long-lived species. According to ringing data, the oldest Siberian Jay found in Finland was over 13 years old.” OK, old, check.
“For hundreds of years these birds have been companions to hunters and rangers in the woods.”
Companion to a Hunter, you say?
“Sound: Rich repertoire but not very vocal. Song a subdued chirping stream of squeaky notes and mimicry.”
All Biden does anymore is whisper softly and struggle to form sentences. Another match.
“These birds live in small flocks of 2-7 individuals, with the dominant breeding pair at the center of the group; alongside retained multigenerational offspring and unrelated immigrants.”
So they have a very tight inner circle centered around a dominant couple. Where have I seen that before?
“Siberian jays are aggressive to non-related intruders on their territory. They will either approach and force an intruder away or chase it in flight. When foraging, Siberian jays often stay within the closed-canopy forest to avoid detection by predators, although they may occasionally forage in open areas.” I don’t think I need to explain that one.
“Like a number of other animals, including primates, Siberian jays use their warning calls to straight-up lie to other flocks of Siberian jays. It can be a rewarding strategy: Siberian jays are highly territorial and difficult to oust, but the cost of ignoring a predator warning is potentially very high indeed. If it works, the new flock can muscle in on the territory and stores of food therein that the jays put away for the lean winter months, without having to resort to physical altercation.”
Huge liars who are “highly territorial and difficult to oust”!?!?!?!?!! Come on now!!!
Now you tell us: what is the Joe Biden of birds? Share your thoughts in the comments or write us at hello@discourseblog.com. And thanks once again to Elias, our Chief Bird Analyst.
A reminder: you can check out our complete Bird of the Week list here, and get in touch with your bird suggestions at hello@discourseblog.com.
+1 for pure commitment to the bit, Discourse Blog. Well done.
I guess the shoebill? I don't know. Who cares.