A Spooky Thing I Like to Do Sometimes

💀 oooOoOoOooooOoOoo 💀

(CC) via flickr/maugre

Confession: I don’t particularly like horror movies. I don’t really dislike horror movies, either, but for the most part they’re just not for me. I’ve made my peace with this, and am thrilled to report that it has in no way limited my ability to live a full and enriching life. Sorry to disappoint. I watch scary movies sometimes — I’ve even enjoyed a few! — but I’m also perfectly content hearing my friends rave about “Terrifier” this and “High Tension” that and maybe look up a few gnarly scenes on YouTube later so I can remind myself how much I don’t really need any of it.

What I do like, however, is to remind other people of extremely scary movie scenes at deeply inappropriate times. It’s fun!

Here’s what I’m talking about: Perhaps you’ve seen director Ari Aster’s 2018 feature-length debut, Hereditary, where a weird girl makes a clucking sound with her tongue, gets decapitated by a telephone poll, and then her brother is actually the king of the demons? (Sorry if that’s a spoiler, but the movie’s five years old by now. Deal with it). Boy is it scary! There’s even one scene where Toni Collette saws her dang head off with a piano wire!

The video is below.

Yikes, right? Zhoop zhoop zhoop zhoopzhoopzhoopzhoopzhoopzhoopzhoopzhoop.

Sometimes, like at Thanksgiving dinner, or at Rosh Hashanah services in synagogue, I’ll make sure to get my sister’s attention, and then when she’s looking at me, I’ll do that hand-saw motion across my neck, back and forth, back and forth, until she looks away, horrified by the inopportune reminder that this movie scared the snot out of her when she first saw it.

Have you ever seen Exorcist III? If not, don’t bother, it’s pretty bad! But, it does have one extremely effective jump-scare. If you’ve seen it, you know which one I mean:

What I like to do when I’m with people I know have seen it is follow them with my arms like I’m holding a giant pair of shears, and wait for someone to notice. Hilarious comedy! (unless nobody notices, in which case I’m just an asshole walking too close with my hands up in the air).

You get the picture.

Why do I do this? What do I, a person who doesn’t even like horror movies, get out of reminding other people of times when they were terrified? I have no idea. Perhaps it’s a way for me to immunize myself against the fear I felt when I first saw those movies. Or maybe it’s a sort of “misery loves company” situation, where I subconsciously need other people to be as put off by the whole thing as I was. Maybe I’m just a jerk. Probably a little of all three.

Anyway, today is Halloween, and the world is a pretty scary, horrifying place as it is. We spend so much time calling attention to all the terrifying stuff out there that actually matters, I thought I’d mark today by highlighting something that truly doesn’t, instead. Maybe you’re like me—a horror-hater who still revels in bugging other people with spooks and frights and dread? Well, today’s your day, buddy. Time to get freaky.