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Office Hours

Office Hours: Mountains and Molehills

🎶 Ain't no mountain dumb enough 🎶

Dimension Films, Los Hooligans Productions

Depending on whichever stupid corner of humorless Twitter you happen to lurk, Donald Trump is either barreling headfirst into a full-blown attempted coup, or is simply being strung along by his many, many enablers using every last second of his presidency to wring as much money out of the gullible MAGA public as possible while the president allegedly farts his way around the West Wing like a rapidly deflating zeppelin.

Is the situation bad, and dangerous? Yes. Will it likely get worse before it gets better? Well…also yes.

Still, there’s something to be said for the president’s superhuman ability to simply refuse to acknowledge reality when it walks up to him and punches him right in the face. Evil and risky as it may be (and boy is it!) the fact that Trump has by all accounted fully willed himself into believing himself both A and The winner is, frankly, impressive, albeit pretty terrifying, too.

The truth is, when it comes to hills to die on, mine are less “fate of the nation” things than they are “contrarian takes I thought constituted a ‘personality’ when I was in junior high, and are now too deeply engrained in my psyche to abandon.” You know what I mean: Opinions about bands that have nothing to do with music, and everything to do with associating them with an ex. Movie rankings you came up with just to piss off your most agitate-able friend, and have ended up defending so many times you actually believe your own bullshit. That sort of stuff.

What I’m saying is that everyone has a line in the sand, or a list of mountains and molehills alike that we are fully willing to die on, even though the rational part of our brains are screaming at us that “this is idiotic! Who cares!? What is wrong with you??”

So what’s yours? What is the absolute stupidest, most inconsequential hill you’d die on? The one you know doesn’t actually matter, but for which you would gladly lay down your life, regardless.

We’ve all got one. It’s time to share. Office Hours are open.