BREAKING NEWS IN TOY TOWN (always knew I would be able to one day say this): MR. POTATO HEAD NO LONGER HAS GENDER.
That’s right—it was only a matter of time. We’ve already lost so much—the ability to wantonly use slurs, fly the Confederate flag at frat parties, buy only white Barbies for our precious little girls—but this one really hits home. As the Associated Press just reported:
NEW YORK (AP) — Mr. Potato Head is no longer a mister.
Hasbro, the company that makes the potato-shaped plastic toy, is giving the spud a gender neutral new name: Potato Head. The change will appear on boxes this year.
Note the NEW YORK dateline—OF COURSE this comes from our modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah. Naturally, true patriots online, who definitely genuinely care about this in part because Mr. Potato Head is CLEARLY the most popular toy today’s children beg for, are standing up and demanding they (male potatoes) be represented.
As these things typically go, we’re probably about 24 hours away from conservatives around the country buying up the remaining gendered Potato Heads only to destroy them (take that, Hasbro!!)
UPDATE, 4:26 p.m. ET: OF FUCKING COURSE, this is resolving itself in the dumbest way possible. Hasbro announced…..they’re no longer doing this? Or they never were? If this reversal (which looks like bowing to conservatives’ pressure in tweets) was part of the plan, it’s even stupider.
I don’t care anymore, Mr. AND Mrs. Potato Head can rot in hell with Mr. Peanut for all I care.