Skip to contents

Man Whose Face Looks Like This Seeks Senate Seat

That's a politician right there baby! Look at him.

Gage Skidmore

It’s hard to write anything particularly poignant about J.D. Vance, the author of a book about being poor written to make rich people feel good about being rich. For a while here I thought about trying, but you know what. The dude’s face looks like this. (Please click on the link to see the dude’s face in the AP article).

Ok fine you may say. That is a file photo from 2016 when J.D. Vance moved back to Ohio after Trump’s election and was doing a book tour that would make him liberal America’s token poor person explainer. Now Vance looks like this:

Vance at a 2021 Turning Point USA Conference (Flickr/Gage Skidmore)

Honestly, much better with the beard. That’s a politician right there baby! Look at him. That’s a man with a face you could say, and it sure does look like that.

Anyway, I’m writing this blog because Vance is about to announce a run for Senate in Ohio according to the AP article with the really good pic of his face in it. Technically he’s just doing a “special announcement” at some point Thursday but come on we know that’s what it’s going to be. Forgot to mention that up top because I’ve spent the last ten minutes going “THIS guy? Come on. Yep. That’s a guy right there. That’s a D.C. guy!”

When Vance first teased this run back in April along with some truly idiotic opinions on child care, Axios wrote an objectively hilarious story about his whole deal. This is possibly the most Axios-y article that they have ever Axiosed, and it is perfect for JD Vance. I’m just going to block quote some of it so you get the picture:

Why it matters: He’ll need to reconcile his growing antagonism to Big Tech with a career that’s been facilitated by it.

– His goal, according to one source, is to present himself as a bridge between Trump and establishment Republicans, particularly because it may be tough to out-Trump former Ohio Treasurer Josh Mandel.

– That said, he’s sought Trump’s counsel. Vance recently met privately with the former president at Mar-a-Lago, with Peter Thiel in tow, per multiple sources.

Resumé: Vance began his VC career with Mithril Capital, a Silicon Valley firm founded by Thiel.

Lol. We’re checking all the boxes here! The rest of the article is even funnier to me because it’s literally just startup VC gibberish. I like this line in particular.

Both Rise of the Rest and Narya fit into Vance’s personal narrative of helping seed success in left-behind geographies. For example, the firms were early investors in AppHarvest, a Moorehead, Ky.-based indoor tomato-grower that later went public via SPAC.

J.D. Vance’s face is now floating in front of me in the void, murmuring softly about AppHarvest, a Moorehead, Ky.-based indoor tomato-grower that later went public via SPAC. When I think about politics, I am constantly saying that what America really deserves is more representation for indoor tomato-growers that go public via SPACs. And you know what? A man whose face looks like that is perfect for the job.