Skip to contents
Fuck Bosses

Someone Come Get the Rich People

The rich people are officially doing too much.

david sedaris
CBS Sunday Morning

Rich people, what is wrong with them? The plutocratic members of our society are almost always bad and out of control, and right now is no exception. Here are a few quick examples of rich people who need to be tapped firmly on the shoulder and also have their wealth expropriated.

Let’s start at the very top, with Melania Trump, who announced on Monday that there had been a wonderful development for America: the White House tennis pavilion had been renovated, or created, or something!

Some more details from CNN:

The tennis pavilion is not open to the public and is not a community project. According to the first lady it is meant to be used solely by first families for “leisure time.”The funds to pay for the pavilion, which is located on the South Lawn near Michelle Obama’s White House Kitchen Garden, were provided by private donation facilitated by the Trust for the National Mall, which also solicited funds for Trump’s other project, the renovated Rose Garden. The White House has so far refused to disclose the list of the donors.

This is what I love to see during a pandemic/economic collapse: secret rich people shelling out money so that other rich people can have a good time in the house that the rest of us pay for, and no, we CANNOT partake of this splendor, it is only for the rich people, sorry.

Next up: humorist David Sedaris, who did this very weird bit of “satire” for CBS Sunday Morning on, yes, Sunday morning. It was all about how citizens should be able to fire people who give them bad service, and it included an anecdote where Sedaris was mad because someone at a place where he “bought a number of very expensive cups and saucers” did not provide the treatment he merited, so he longed for the ability to fire them. People got annoyed at this, because Sedaris is very successful and is out here joking about firing people during, have I mentioned, an economic collapse and a pandemic.

This is not the worst thing in history, David Sedaris does not need to be canceled, etc, but my big takeaway is that only a rich guy who has spent too long being rich would walk into this kind of predictable trap. Sedaris shot to fame for sharing his experiences working as a lowly Christmas elf. Now he riffs about firing someone because they didn’t wrap an expensive cup like he wanted. This is what money does.

Last but not least, there is this fun story from Bloomberg about a great new thing rich people are doing (emphasis mine):

Water is joining gold, oil and other commodities traded on Wall Street, highlighting worries that the life-sustaining natural resource may become scarce across more of the world.

Farmers, hedge funds and municipalities alike will be able to hedge against — or bet on — potential water scarcity starting this week, when CME Group Inc. launches contracts linked to the $1.1 billion California spot water market. According to Chicago-based CME, the futures will help water users manage risk and better align supply and demand.

[…]

“Climate change, droughts, population growth, and pollution are likely to make water scarcity issues and pricing a hot topic for years to come,” said RBC Capital Markets managing director and analyst Deane Dray. “We are definitely going to watch how this new water futures contract develops.”

I think that one speaks for itself, really.