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Abolish England

Throw it in the trash and start over.

prince william and kate middleton
Irish Foreign Ministry

This week is an absolute nightmare, which feels depressingly on brand for our cursed, racist country.

So I found myself looking to another cursed people: the British.

In honor of St. Patrick’s Day yesterday, Prince William and Kate Middleton—who certainly have been on a positive PR tear recently, wonder why!—contributed to a video put together by the Irish Foreign Ministry wishing Irish people a happy holiday. President Joe Biden, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, and others also contributed.

William even spoke Gaelic for the occasion! HOW BLOODY CHARMING!!!!!

The future ruler of the island nation that subjugated the Irish people for hundreds of years said in the video: “We were so thrilled to be able to visit Ireland just over a year ago, a few short weeks before all of our lives were turned upside down by the pandemic.”

Kate, a woman who apparently let lies to the press about Meghan Markle making her cry go un-corrected for years, unironically added: “The warm welcome we received everywhere was a testament to the friendship between our two countries, and the strength of the relationship between the U.K. and Ireland.” Mmmmmmmmmm, friendship!! That’s an interesting take on history, innit??

This brings me to another piece of British news: the ongoing row over J.K. Rowling, formerly one of the most beloved and fabulously wealthy authors in the world, now currently just one of the most fabulously wealthy authors in the world since she gave up the “beloved” part for the right to be transphobic.

So imagine how sad this headline about one of the finest working actors today made me: “Harry Potter‘s Ralph Fiennes finds backlash over J.K. Rowling’s transphobic statements ‘disturbing’.”

In an interview with The Telegraph, Fiennes said: “I can’t understand the vitriol directed at her” over the author’s whole “are trans woman actually women????” crusade. He continued: “I can understand the heat of an argument, but I find this age of accusation and the need to condemn irrational. I find the level of hatred that people express about views that differ from theirs, and the violence of language towards others, disturbing.”

Why come to the defense of the lady who now only uses her Twitter to make trans people feel bad??? It never ceases to amaze me. British public figures seem preternaturally enamored with tanking their careers going all-in on the transphobia-masquerading-as-faux-intellectual trend. I ask again: why???

We may never know. What we do know: The English are a deeply cursed people. (Rowling lives in Scotland, but she’s English, so she still counts). Throw England in the trash and start over.