President Donald Trump’s increasingly deranged protestations notwithstanding, each passing day brings the impending Biden administration into sharper relief. Suffice it to say, the picture that’s quickly coming into focus is only exciting for the sort of people who don’t understand that “HIRE 👏 MORE 👏 WOMEN 👏 GUARDS 👏” is a criticism, not a mission statement.
Enter: Neera Tanden, Joe Biden’s pick to run his Office and Management and Budget — perhaps the wonkiest, most pencil-pushing cabinet position in the executive branch of government. Tanden, for those of you smart enough not to waste precious brain cells on the Democratic Party’s bottomless well of painfully stupid internecine machinations (that’s what we’re here for!), is the perpetually too online, galactically bad take-machine who argues with graduate students on Twitter in the middle of the night for some truly unfathomable reason.
There are plenty of other reasons why Tanden is Pretty Bad but for the purpose of this week’s Office Hours, let’s just focus on the fact that the Biden team has thrown their weight behind someone whose brain — and reputation — has been terminally poisoned by being too online in a way usually reserved for people named “Krassenstein” or ones who have serious thoughts about “game theory.” It’s a sincerely bizarre choice, particularly — as The New Republic‘s Alex Pareene noted after Tanden’s nomination went public — given that the OMB directorship is “the definition of a job where you want someone with an anonymous public profile and organizational savvy” and not someone who has spent the past decade making a name for themselves with a series of bad tweets.
Still, if Biden wants to staff up with people who cannot and will not log off, then that’s his prerogative. And for this week’s Office Hours, I say we help him out: It’s time to pick your all-star, entirely-too-online Biden cabinet. I’m talking a Secretary of Defense who drops twitter bombs at 2 A.M, and an Interior Secretary who shares unhinged conspiracy theories with aplomb, regardless of whether or not they take pleasure in reporting this. Resistance grifters, crackpots, and people who made a name for themselves by just tweeting through it— that’s your talent pool, folks. Now make your ideal, absolutely cursed Biden cabinet and let’s see how bad we can get.