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Man, What the Hell?

Man, What The Hell? Weak Week Edition

Plus Smashed Mouths, Moondancing, and a message from Mother Nature.

Boy has it been a shitty week, huh folks?

Grotesque police violence.

Grotesque milita violence.

Grotesque political violence.

Grotesque environmental violence.

Dayenu. It’s just been bad from top to bottom.

Now that the Republicans have finished their aspiring fascism burlesque and convention season is officially behind us, it’s time to start looking forward to Donald Trump and Joe Biden actually standing face to face on the same stage, where they’re expected to (gasp) present coherent and articulate cases for why they should be president. While I’m neither a debate expert nor a medical professional, I am fairly comfortable predicting that the whole affair is going to be a bugfuck disaster of septuagenarian chest-thumping. Like a five-car pileup on the freeway, I suspect that if I watch at all, it’ll be out of morbid curiosity more than any compelling interest in the actual words Trump (lies, racism) and Biden (“listen here pal,” “phonograph”) spew at each other, and the rest of us too.

I’m sure there’ll be plenty more horrors in store to color and contour the subsequent political match-up in the month between now and then. What they’ll be is anyone’s guess (and please, feel free to guess in the comments below!) but I can’t imagine they’ll be anywhere near as bad as this past week — truly one of the most insane, frustrating, heartbreaking ones in recent memory. How could they be, right? I probably shouldn’t ask.


Lost in translation

Here is a challenge from me to you: Please watch this clip of real human boy Jared Kushner describing the pointed lack of empathy in his father-in-law’s “love language,” and then try to imagine for yourself what that language might sound like behind closed doors. Go on, try it. I dare you.

SomeBODY once told me

Fresh off their iconic stint as likely disease vectors during this year’s massive Sturgis motorcycle rally in South Dakota, bread-hating nostalgia-plumbers Smash Mouth are facing the scorn of an (aging) fan-base who aren’t thrilled with the decidedly un-biker-ish band’s blasé “fuck that COVID shit” stance.

Did you see “late 90s radio-friendly pop band becomes the flashpoint in a biker-fueled culture war over a global pandemic” coming? Me either.

Ask not for whom the mouth smashes. It smashes for thee.

And speaking of people who should shut the fuck up about a global pandemic…


Sir George Ivan “Van” Morrison has chosen this moment in history to share his extensive medical expertise, urging his fellow music industry professionals to “come forward, stand up, fight the pseudo-science and speak up” against efforts to literally save people’s lives by socially distancing during performances.

In related news, tonight’s moondance has been rescheduled until further notice.

Take the hint

Two weeks after officials in Calcasieu Parish, LA, voted 10-4 to keep a statue of a Confederate soldier on full display outside the local courthouse, Hurricane Laura roared into town to correct the obvious injustice of allowing a monument to slavery to remain unmolested in the year 2020.

Mother Nature: 1
Grotesque tribute to Racism: 0

Don’t blow it, don’t blow it, don’t blow it…

…do you think anyone noticed?

Mods are asleep. Post plague.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, arguably the single most recognizable figure in America’s losing battle with the coronavirus pandemic (other than Trump, whose recognition is largely variations of “that fuckhead who’s killing us”) dropped a chilling reminder of just how poorly the COVID outbreak is still being handled at the federal level.

“I was under general anesthesia in the operating room and was not part of any discussion or deliberation regarding the new testing recommendations,” Fauci told CNN’s Dr. Sanjay Gupta, regarding an August 20 meeting in which the White House Coronavirus Task Force rammed through a recommendation for the CDC to dramatically reduce the number of instances in which the public should be tested for COVID.

This is what we in the biz like to refer to as a “reverse Ashcroft” which is, itself, a variation on the classic “Full Edith Wilson.”

A hard rain’s gonna fall

Really putting the “SEX” in to…well, y’know.

And finally

After a week like this, sometimes you really feel like you’ve just gotta…

Did anything make you say “Man, what the hell?” this week? Perhaps out loud to a roommate, loved one, or disinterested household pet/plant? Misery loves company, so share your personal what the hells in the comments below!

(pic via Warner Brothers – meep meep)