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Fever Swamp

Let’s Laugh at Stephen Miller One Last Time

This fucking guy!

Screen Shot / Fox News

Every time I see the Trump administration’s chief white nationalist and occasional Count Orlok cosplayer Stephen Miller, I’m forced to contend with two — some might say conflicting — physiological reactions: Either I want to vomit so hard it shatters my computer screen, or I want to laugh so hard I crack a rib.

So here I am, suppressing giggles while blogging on a cracked laptop, after Miller made such an ass out of himself on Fox News this morning that even host Brian Kilmeade — a strong contender for “stupidest person on television” — was forced to publicly muse about how fucking dumb this all seemed.

Yeah man, and I’ve got some alternate electors of my own who are ready to tell Congress that I’m the “world’s best dad” because I made scrambled eggs this morning that weren’t quite as shitty as they usually are, but you don’t see me showing my ass on cable news about it.

Anyway, Miller’s bullshit coming at the end of literally dozens of court losses and general ineptitude from all levels of the Trump administration was too stupid even for Kilmeade, a man who once tried to roast marshmallows on a goddamned plastic spoon.

“Your legal team, in almost every state, 50 times, lost. Some with Trump judges,” Kilmeade pointed out, as Miller rambled on in his certifiably dick voice about….god, who even cares what at this point? It’s all so dumb and sad.

“Do you have the worst legal team who just don’t seem to be presenting a good case?” Kilmeade continued, as if was a question that actually needed answering.

“We need heroes to step up and do the right thing.” Lol, you imbecile, you fucking child.

So now I’m conflicted. On one hand, I’d desperately like to live in a world where I never have to hear from, or think about, Stephen Miller and his ghoulish beef jerky face ever again. On the other, though, watching him make a total fool of himself on national television ain’t so bad either.