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Judge Jeanine Pirro Guilty of Being a Raging Moron About Nazis

Proving the age-old adage, 'don't compare things to Nazis, especially if you are a huge idiot.'

Fox News / Twitter screengrab (@revrrlewis)

The average human body is roughly 60% water, unless that body belongs to Judge Jeanine Pirro, in which case I’d venture it’s composed mostly of cheap table wine and antacid.

Pirro kicked off her week with a rare appearance in the harsh light of day, popping up on Monday morning’s broadcast of Fox & Friends to display several new facial expressions seeming intended to convey dismay over this weekend’s long overdue reckoning for Nazi/white nationalist/seditionist/etc social media accounts, and the platforms that host them. 

Level-headed legal eagle and astute cultural critic that she is, Pirro was particularly incensed at the rolling removal of popular lunatic fringe hangout Parler, which spent the past few days getting itself ignominiously booted from the Apple app store, the Google app store, and its Amazon web server. Bummer. 

“They gave us a taste of this pre-election when they suppressed the Hunter Biden story,” Pirro began, before leaping headfirst into, uh, whatever the hell you wanna call what happened next: 

“Now that they’ve won, what we’re seeing is the kind of censorship that is akin to a Kristallnacht where they decide what they can communicate about.”

Where to even start? 

Kristallnacht, literally the “night of broken glass,” was a massive pogrom targeting Jewish businesses in 1938 Nazi Germany, which left dozens dead, thousands of businesses, homes, and synagogues destroyed, and tens of thousands of people arrested, incarcerated, and shipped to concentration camps — all while the German government stood by and allowed it to happen. 

Meanwhile, a bunch of goobers with handles like “TheStormMAGA69” have to find a new place to post Ben Garrison’s insanely horny AOC cartoons

Clearly, these are very similar events. 

The thing is, I’m not 100% certain Jeanine Pirro actually knows what Kristallnacht really was. First off, she pronounces it “Crystal-knock” which is unfortunate. And then she says it was about communication and censorship? Lady, I beg of you, please, just google it. You don’t even need to click into an article! The wiki-summary that shows up on the search page should honestly be enough, even for you. 

If only I could say that was the end of it, but if anything, the GOP has only just begun to embrace eine kleine Kristallnach-musing as their latest go-to pity party paradigm. Here’s former Iowa Congressman and literal white nationalist Steve King: 

“Losing followers? That’s the holocaust, to me.”

Let’s be clear here: The same people who are thrilled at the grotesque extremes of rampant capitalism are now crying like little pissbabies because that invisible hand of the free market they love so very much is suddenly punching them in the face. Boo fuckity hoo. 

There are plenty of comparisons you could reasonably draw between 1938 Germany and today. Rising fascism. Families detained in concentration camps. So many literal Nazis just walking around willy nilly. But losing followers, or having your posting habit mildly inconvenienced? Nah.