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There is a large boat stuck in the Suez Canal. Perhaps you’ve heard? It’s kind of a “thing.”

Here’s a helpful action movie trailer released by the Suez Canal Authority, showing the large boat, and how stuck it is in the Suez Canal.

Pretty stuck!

How long will the boat be stuck in the Suez Canal? Who can say? How long has the boat been stuck in the Suez Canal? Also, who can say? (no i will not look this up). Sometimes it feels like there’s always been a boat stuck in the Suez Canal. Is this a metaphor for life? Yes. But also, there is literally a boat stuck in the Suez Canal as we speak. And it’s fucking things up. Look at this mess:

Screenshot /

What can be done to fix this? I don’t know. Some people have suggested blowing up the boat. That seems like a bad idea. Then, instead of one huge thing blocking the Suez Canal, you’d have many very big things blocking the Suez Canal. Some of them would probably be on fire, too. Besides, what if there’s something good inside the boat, like basset hounds, or candy? In the meantime, the Suez Canal Authority is trying to push the ship out of the way with “8 large tugboats,” the “largest of which is BARAKA 1 with a towing power of 160 tons.”


Lately I’ve started to feel a sense of kinship with the boat that is stuck in the Suez Canal. It’s probably not easy being a big dumb hunk of metal, shoved sideways at an awkward angle, forced to just sit there while dozens of other, not-stuck boats just float there, getting angrier and angrier, honking their horns (probably, right?) and yelling at you to “move it already!’ and to “get the fuck out of the road!” (Suez canal). Once I clipped my car’s side mirror trying to back out of a narrow garage. I felt awful about it for weeks. I bet that’s kind of like what the ship captain is feeling like now.

Okay, I looked it up. Apparently the boat has been stuck in the Suez Canal since Tuesday, and might be stuck there “for weeks.” Seems bad. If there are basset hounds on there, I hope someone is feeding them.