Alright, well, you heard it, folks. The government is not going to shut down tonight. Wow. In the waning hours of Thursday, the beginning of the “pre-kend” if you will, both the House and Senate passed a resolution to keep government funding levels consistent through Dec. 3.
The bill also included some disaster relief provisions that some Republicans were desperate for. Crucially, it did not include any change to raising or suspending the debt limit, which means the U.S. could still be careening toward financial disaster within a couple of weeks unless we finally decide that the national debt is meaningless and we can do whatever we want.
What does this mean? Well, a couple things. For federal employees, it means they won’t have to worry about how to pay the bills until at least Dec. 3, which is objectively good for them. For everyone else it means we will stop hearing about this one particular facet of the utter clusterfuck in Washington for at least say, five weeks? Who knows.
The metaphor I’m going with is a very creaky, rusty can. Democrats and Republicans finally broke out of their scrum long enough for Speaker Pelosi to get just one toe on that can and doink it just a little bit down the road. It’s tumbling through the dust, shards of rusted aluminum sloughing off into the dirt, slowly rolling to a stop just inches from the lip of the void. Congress, meanwhile, is sinking into that hole. They are yelling about infrastructure, and about debt, and about $3.5 trillion worth of Marxism that we never really had a shot at passing and wasn’t Marxism anyway, while below them, at the bottom of the void, the world rests on the back of hundreds of elephants standing on the back of a gigantic turtle who is Mitch McConnell and he is wreathed in flames and he is laughing. But at least all of D.C.’s nice museums will be open for the rest of the fall and the people will pick up the trash in our national parks. We’ve got that going for us, at least.