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These Are Some Questions I Have About Donald Trump’s Fixation With Show Tunes

The mind reels.

"Donald Trump" by Gage Skidmore is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

The “big news” today is that former Trump administration Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham is finally cashing in on her time in the White House with a forthcoming memoir that details all sorts of wacky goings-on behind Trump’s closed doors. Does any of it matter? No, of course not; Grisham is a professional liar whose net contribution to the health and wellbeing of this country is about as valuable as a big wet fart.

Nevertheless, for sheer morbid entertainment value, Grisham’s book looks like it’ll be a delightful romp through unanesthetized colonoscopies and — in one striking episode highlighted by the New York Times on Tuesday — Trump’s preternatural susceptibility to the mood-altering power of Broadway show tunes.

Via the Times:

At one point, she writes, Mr. Trump’s handlers designated an unnamed White House official known as the “Music Man” to play him his favorite show tunes, including “Memory” from “Cats,” to pull him from the brink of rage. (The aide, it is revealed later, is Ms. Grisham’s ex-boyfriend. She does not identify him, but it is Max Miller, a former White House official now running for Congress with Mr. Trump’s support.)

Folks. I have some questions.

Do you think Trump sang along? Did the rest of his senior staff get him started by humming the opening bars to “Memory” like adults trying to encourage a room full of children to sing “Happy Birthday”? Has Trump seen the 2019 film adaptation of CATS? Do you think he asked where the cat’s buttholes are? What else is on his list of favorite show tunes? Is the “Music Man” designation a hint that Trump is particularly soothed by Buddy Hackett’s 1962 rendition of “Shipoopi”?

Trick question. Everyone is soothed by Buddy Hackett singing “Shipoopi.” That’s just the magic of musical theater.

Do you suppose the members of Trump’s Cabinet and Joint Chiefs knew about the “Music Man?” If Trump got really pissy during a meeting with the Secretary of Defense, do you think Gen. James Mattis would like “hold on one minute Mr. President” and then all of a sudden “Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats” starts blasting through the Situation Room speakers? Did everyone dance?

These are some questions I have about Donald Trump’s fixation with show tunes. Thank you.